Ground, Pound…Sugar, Spice, and Everything Golden

San Francisco’s tough win in a battle of ground-and-pound football against the Seattle Seahawks is though-provoking.

In this, the Golden Age of Quarterbacks, we see Madden-style statistics thrown up by quarterbacks and wide receivers. Part of it can be contributed to the gross over-officiating and constricting rules against defenses in today’s NFL. As a fan, it’s fun to watch games with high scores and huge catches in pivotal moments of games. But how much is it spoiling the casual viewer of American football to gear the game towards commercially-accepted, on-field numbers?

Football, since it was invented, has always been one of the most body-damaging sports played in North America (sorry hockey, bad dental work does not equate to rough play). The greats of decades ago were renowned for their toughness and their ability to break tackles and hit with fury. This was the intent of the game: a way for big, strong men to duke it out in the name of victory, and scrawny, unable men like myself to sit and home, watch, and feel the same thrill. It’s not a sport for the faint hearted.

I can still remember watching NFL Films on NFL Network showing the brutal beauty of football. Watching heads get knocked around, tough defense, ground games pounding through tackles is all so inspiring. NFC North teams gutting each other on the field, Earl Campbell running through block after crushing block for the Houston Oilers, Dick Butkus knocking the crap out of quarterbacks, those were the days.

The Heart of a Wimp
Lately though, it’s hard to find games that show this kind of toughness. It’s all ballerina wide receivers in tu-tus and quarterbacks with a 5 yard force field that, if penetrated, is a 15-yard penalty and an automatic first down. I haven’t seen a really brutal, black-and-blue game in a long time. As much as I love those high-scoring, Tom Brady vs. Swiss Cheese games, I love a win in a grind. It’s all plastic and fake now.

And for what? Better ratings and more money? Screw it. I’m sure Calvin Johnson can take a hit. I’m sure Mike Vick wouldn’t be more than pulp in yesterday’s NFL. In Vick’s case, the Eagles might be better off.

I respect guys like Ben Roethlisberger. I hate his freaking guts, but he ain’t no fruit cake against numerous blockers. He can take a hit, and he can throw the football AND complete the pass while taking the shot. He’s famous among NFL defenses for being one of the toughest quarterbacks in the league to bring down. He’s a player who could survive in any decade of the game’s existence. Can you say that about more than five quarterbacks in the league? Probably not.

And it’s a shame, because if teams looked for stronger, more durable quarterbacks, we wouldn’t have a problem with defenses attacking the NFL’s golden boys so much. It would be an even playing field on all sides and games would still be exciting. Why? Because players would be capable to win games without the help of the league.

If Michael Vick played in the 1970’s, he’d be done halfway through his rookie season. If Tom Brady was on the Patriots against the ’85 Bears 46 defense in Super Bowl XX, he might be paralyzed (not from physical harm, probably just from the idea of Mike Singletary charging towards him with the eyes of a bull). If Mark Sanchez played in the 1960’s in place of Joe Namath…I think with that, you can start carving his tomb stone and digging a hole for his bones halfway to China.

The Way Of The Game
Because of the emphasis on offensive juggernauts, scoring has gone up around the league and as a result, so have individual stats. But the problem with everyone being super…is that no one is super (“The Incredibles” reference? I think so). No matter how many points you put up, it’s the same goal: win.

If you put up 35 and the other team puts up 38, you won’t be rewarded for five touchdowns. You still lose. Your quarterback can throw for 450 yards and 3 TD’s, but what happens when your ground game is lackluster and the other quarterback throws 4 TD’s? You lose…right?

Um, yes. By seven.

It’s all about the wins. The league doesn’t care about field goals. They don’t care about good, hard-fought battles. They care about stats and points, and it’s hurting the game more than we know.

I don’t care who your quarterback is if your team isn’t winning games. Drew Brees is producing like his usual self, yet his team is 2-4. Sure, you can say it’s because of the bounty scandal and the way it rocked the team. They took away Sean Payton, the heart of their officiating unit. But they also took away the quarterback of their defense in LB Johnathan Vilma and it has caused the team to lose games that their offense has kept them in. It’s all checks and balances.

We Can Only Hope
Personally, I’d love to see Super Bowl XLVII played between the Seattle Seahawks/San Francisco 49ers vs. the Houston Texans. Why? Because all three of those teams rely on their defenses and their running games to win. Their quarterbacks are a part of the team as opposed to being the team. They are groups of men who play all three phases of the game and emphasize the importance of all of them equally.

But this match-up, in all likeliness, is impossible in 2012.
With all due respect to the teams above (and the latter two I mentioned are favorites to win it all), the team on the other side is going to have a top-5 passing offense with a middle-to-bottom tier defense, like the Green Bay Packers or the Baltimore Ravens.

Frankly, I’m appalled at how little chance I’m giving my own hopes and dreams for the Super Bowl this year (as I turn the lights off in my room, close the blinds, and sit in a corner in fetal position waiting for the apocalypse). This isn’t the way it should be. I’m sticking by my picks, and most people around the league would feel the same, I’m sure. But the fact is that the NFL is making it almost impossible for teams who reflect the Golden Days of 1960’s, 70’s, ground-and-pound football to make deep playoff runs. The last six Super Bowls were won by teams with elite QB’s. Not top-tier defenses. Not big-time running backs. Quarterbacks. Lots of scoring. It’s these factors that make the new look NFL hard to swallow.

I think I’ve made my point. The world is slowly coming to an end with the over-filling of the hot-air balloons that are the enormity of modern NFL offenses. 

My best wishes to teams that are trying to revive the traditions of old football. Please, for the love of all that is holy and non Goodell-a-fied, win a Super Bowl and restore balance in the world.

It’s all falling apart slowly.

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Super Bowl Favorites? Make Me a Sandwich.

This is the NFL. It doesn’t stand for National Football League. It stands for Not For Losers.

Harsh as it sounds, the NFL is the one league where every game really counts. Sure, division leads and postseason seeding can come down to a single game in baseball, basketball, and hockey. But think about: football is the only major sport in North America (or the world for the matter) that plays less than 20 games in a regular season. Why do you think there’s so many more tie-breaking procedures here than in other sports? Because the aforementioned sports play more 80+ games a year. Hell, the MLB runs a 162-game season!

Hence, football is the only sport where it’s a proven fact that every game really does count.

It’s unlike running from a bear where all you have to do is run faster than the guy running the slowest. In this league, you either win all the games that you can, or you fall out of meaningful existence.

The Kansas City Chiefs and Cleveland Browns are both 1-5 on the season, effectively making them irrelevant in terms of the postseason. But…what if they win all of their games from here and each go 11-5? Then what?

Especially for the Chiefs, if they win out their games in a mysterious AFC West, they could be in contention for a wild card spot in the playoffs.

Clearly, that isn’t going to happen. That shit cray, yolo #wutup.

But, my inner hipster and my real self digress.

With the Patriots, 49ers, and Texans losing their games in Week 6, Atlanta barely beating a no-better-than-mediocre Oakland Raiders team, and Baltimore taking some huge injuries into the remainder of their season, five of the projected Super Bowl contenders are looking less than super. 

1) With the 49ers loss to a rejuvenated New York Giants team, they drop to 4-2 and are tied in the NFC West for number one. They steam-rolled their last two opponents, but this one loss hung their division lead in the closet for the time being. If they lose to the Seahawks at home on Thursday, they could be fighting for a simple second place for the next few weeks. No one knows how the season will pan out for the three other teams in the division, but they all have the same thought in mind: can’t lose. Just like the rest of the NFL.

2) The Texans are now 5-1 after an embarrassing loss (and their first of the year) to the back-to-2011-look Green Bay Packers. Now the questions may begin to spring up as to whether Brian Cushing’s season-ending injury is the reason for looking like a baby whose lollipop was taken from their infant mouths in a game that they should have won. OK, Aaron Rodgers is last year’s MVP, fine, got it. But he hasn’t played like it recently (gives me hope for Seattle, even though they didn’t quite win, still held them to 12) and Houston, at home, should have been able to contain him. If this is the defense we’re going to be seeing, say hello to a number 2 seed, and a number 1 break down. Asylum style.

3) The Falcons look like the comeback kids. So amazing, dat kick! So incredible, dat pass, against Carolina! Bullshit. All of it. Will looked at the schedule that Atlanta faces for the rest of the season, and even he said they must’ve rigged the schedule (Weekly Chat: Two Idiots). They can’t help who they play, but at least dominate if that’s what they’re saying. 3 INT’s after having only two all year? Against the RAIDERS? Come on, Matty Ice. This team is going to kick the bucket in the postseason if they can’t beat teams who don’t have the prospects of reaching .500.

4) Baltimore’s defense was already not at its best this season, giving up more yards per game than they did in their previous three seasons. Now, they may have to live without Ray Lewis, Haloti Ngata, and definitely Lardarius Webb after a win against Dallas. Having three injuries, one to each of the levels of your defense is a coach’s worst nightmare. If they can win their next game, Harbaugh will be praised for his ability to find gold in his wallet. If they lose, all hell will have broken loose in Baltimore.

5) New England is the best off of any of these teams to win a Super Bowl. Their 3-3 record is a little strange for the spoiled ones, but they’re the best 3-3 team in the NFL. They’re in a four-way tie for the AFC East division lead and are in full control of their destiny. But the fact that they made so many mental errors in Seattle (WOOHOO) is concerning. It’s not the same team when you’re miffing clock management when you can put yourself two possessions ahead before halftime. Get better fast, or we may have to get Paul Revere to let Boston know that “THE DOLPHINS ARE COMING! THE DOLPHINS ARE COMING!…ALONG WITH RYAN TANNEHILL’S HOT WIFE.”

So, who are the teams that we can include in this group of Super Bowl contenders? I’ve got a list of possibles after these five. The:

1) New York Giants
2) Chicago Bears
3) Pittsburgh Steelers
4) San Diego Chargers
5) Denver Broncos
6) Seattle Seahawks
7) Philadelphia Eagles
8) Minnesota Vikings
9) Cincinnati Bengals
10) The NFLPA/NFLRA (No politics, just old guys duking it out in pads. Could make for a hilarious Pro Bowl activity though. Ed Hochuli would kill a man).

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Quick Hits: Week 6

Sorry Ian Rapopport…best thing ever! Haha:

Hey, New England: do you like apples?…Well, Seattle got a win. HOW ‘BOUT DEM APPLES??? Russell Wilson, I am sorry for doubting your ability to win.

This has been a crazy week, really only a snapshot of a crazy season. Somehow, teams who are supposed to win aren’t winning, and the ones that shouldn’t…well, they’re not either, but we’ve got some excellent football from units that were very underrated in the preseason. Let’s where the world of football and all that is effed up stands:

1) The 49ers are becoming the Chargers. Unlike San Diego, the 49ers have won games in dominant fashion, including pancaking the Bills and Jets in successive weeks. But they are inconsistent. Even at 4-2, it seems as though the Reds on the Bay are unreadable. The Giants crushed them 26-3, and Alex Smith and the offense couldn’t generate anything after hitting a field goal on their first drive. This is a team that won’t lose in successive weeks, but they are not immortal.

2) Vick and the Eagles are middle of the pack. Granted they live in a division that hoards broken dreams and empty hopes in their facilities’ basements, the Eagles look like a team going nowhere fast. Talent on paper doesn’t get you wins on paper, especially when your QB is so turnover-prone that I may actually invent a meter to gauge how much of a liability he is. I’m thinking of calling it, “Vick Fails per Hour”. One means a game is winnable. Anything above 10 is a lost cause. V/FPH, remember it. It’s going to be a thing.

3) How many times are the Jets going to play with our emotions? One week, they’re so bad, even the garbage men won’t pick up such smelly trash. The next, they’re rolling over teams. WHY? HOW? DAFUQ? Thinking about the fortunes of this team gives me an unnecessary migraine. How does Mark Sanchez go from broken boy-toy to a D-Cell battery so often? Seriously, New York, just decide on being crappy bottom-dwellers, let Tebow win your games for you, and the world will be at peace. It’s that simple, save us the irritation.

4) Ryan Tannehill is showing why he is just as good as the rest of his draft class. He’s knocking in the wins like a pro, and he’s doing it with style. This Dolphins team didn’t have a heartbeat in the preseason, and now pundits all over the inter-web are calling them the only other good team in the AFC East. I believe it. I don’t think they’ll be a wild-card team yet (even if they are, it would take a miracle to win, unless RT1 is Houdini resurrected in the form of a lucky-ass, 6′ 4″ man with one of the hottest wives in the NFL…just sayin’) but they are very good and have a leader to build around.

5) Is there a better bad team in the league than the Dallas Cowboys? This team is a tease. They play their little hearts out, make their fans feel that this really is the year week in and week out…and then take those hopes and dreams and shoot them into pestilential swamp when they’re highest. Seriously, guys? This team may have average talent, but a lot of these players have played better than this. The team is whittling away the valuable time that it has with veterans DeMarcus Ware, Jason Witten, and Miles Austin. There isn’t a lot of talent here, but it’s not hard to see that even the littlest of hopes are already fading, if they haven’t already.

6) The Seahawks are showing why they’re legit. I can’t believe I missed that last 46-yard connection between Wilson and Rice for the winning TD. I caught it after having sushi between classes (which is a college student’s delight), but the feeling is always more euphoric live. Regardless, Seattle as a whole team should be feared by their upcoming opponents who still view them as a stepping stone. This team, who boast the Number 1 defense in the league, along with a rookie QB who has proven he can win in the fourth quarter, is primed and ready for the Sunday Night Lights (that’s right, pop culture reference NFL-afied, take that America). 

7) There is no clear Super Bowl favorite anymore. The Niners lost in Giant fashion (lame pun, I know, I have to keep myself awake here), the Patriots were killed by the stagnant Seahawks, Atlanta is barely winning against mediocre teams, and at the time of writing this, Houston is being backed up by a Green Bay team that has lost it’s shine in the first five weeks of the season. Only the Baltimore Ravens seem to be in a reasonably good position to take in some favoritism, but they’re D was rocked by injuries to Ray Lewis and Lardarius Webb. We may be getting to the point where we may need to add to the list of possibles. Any takers for the Chargers? That’s not funny, I’m actually totally serious right now.

8) How have we gone through the season so far without noticing how bad Jaguars are. Maybe it’s because after one whole season, we’re already use to it. Wrong of me to pick on them on a bye week? Tell it to the AFC South.

9) It’s not a foregone conclusion that the Falcons could, in fact, go 10-0. And yet, there would still be questions as to whether they’re good enough to win a playoff game or not. They’ve won against pretty bad teams, and it’s no secret that Atlanta can easily be knocked off their pedestal by any team coming around. If only they had a match-up against the Eagles…wait, they do! We’ll get to see if Michael Vick’s V/FPH, if it is high, is something that the Falcons can’t lose against. I say the Eagles’ pull another win out from Andy Reid’s…ya know…yuck, OK I can’t say that. Arneet’s V/FPH: 5. That’s not good.

10) This is the NFL, remember that. What I mean is, as the cliche goes, any team can win on any given Sunday. We’re two weeks from the halfway mark on the season, and there’s still a lot of football to play. The Texans and Falcons will not go undefeated, the Bills can still reach the playoffs, San Fran is still a good team, and the Chiefs are…well, one way or another, they’re screwed, that’s a given. My point is that we’ve still got 11 weeks, and a lot of good story lines to follow, so let’s not twist in our seats for a better view of the World Series on the big screen. The fun has only just begun.

Weekly Chat from Arneet and Will

October 8
depends does borderlands 2 count as busy?
hahaha…no. What’s your take on the Panthers?
trying to figure out where they’re headed is painful
well if your QB and WR are duking it out
then you’re really not gonna flourish
oh ironically it’s the sophomore slump
no one wanted it
but defenses have tuned to Newton
and the Panthers are not good enough Pass and Run Blockers to protect him
and so other defenses are just ending them
do they make it over .500?

i’m honestly going to say no
same, I keep hoping that Newton will grow up a bit and tune himself like a veteran, but he’s so childish and he plays the game like it’s all about him. Auburn spoiled him
So I’m thinking they underachieve and go 7-9
I reckon that’s being nice.
there’s a player in the NRL right now
Shaun Johnson
EXACTLY the same problem
he’s a selfish player
he has potential?
Oh acres of it
i’ll show you
check him put
he’s got so much potential but he squanders it with selfish play
now give me a second
holy s**t
yeah man he’s got it all
I reckon it’s the coach
you mean with shaun williams?
no Cam Newton
there’s a type of coach that allows too much of a player and lets him take control
not enough equality in the locker room, they’ve put him on a pedestal
you know who it sounds familiar to?
santonio holmes?
mike vick?
remember back i think it was 09 or 10 they sang his praises NON STOP
deep passer
quick decisions
now look at the guy
he can barely complete his own dinner
Yeah, he was good for like, one season at USC
yeah man it’s a joke
then all of a sudden he was a f*****g godsend for the jets
i totally agreed with your article
“oh we’re so lucky he FELL to us at number 5”
f**k that
i never thought i’d miss the guy
but omg he is just wasted on the Jets
What I figure is this:
If he supplanted Kyle Orton in Denver…
…why can’t he be an upgrade over Sanchez in New York?
oh preaching to the choir
Sanchez isn’t nearly the player Orton is
And I wouldn’t have Sanchez as more than a decent back up
he had a good start to his career going to the AFC Championship game twice, but it was riding on the back of a stalwart defense
he’d be the 3rd string on the Cardinals!
I’d take Skelton over him, for sure
Yeah Revis was in his prime
i’d take skelton with one arm over him
haha, the cards would have to if they had him with the way kolb is getting hit these days
but yeah, Tebow can make that offense look like it’s the niners run game
carrying these guys to the end
oh man he’s actually a good player
i mean he beat the steelers in OT in the playoffs
he throws terribly but the charisma he brings to the game actually puts points on the board
he runs his teams out of trouble
it’s an incredible power to have
im not sure there’s another player in the league like him
maybe RG3 one day, but not yet
…speaking of RG3, guess who’s not the top scoring fantasy player in our league now???
well Victor Cruz with a 23
that’s fine
i can live with it
pfft not for long
im the top scorer dude
ohhhh, for verrrrrry long
dude you wait
just need RG3 to come up against the Oakland Raiders
and i’ll be rolling in points
he’s concussed bro, we’ll see if they clear him first
well i’ve got Alex Smith for backup
so we’ll be good for a week off
who is another underrated player
not after this week
that offense if off the chi-zain
i know!
300 passing AND 300 rushng??? lock them in for the number 2 seed if Atlanta stays undefeated
oh Atlanta will burn out
i reckon they’ll go 14-2
their first loss is coming up
i can sense it
haha, they’ve got a soft schedule bro
especially considering how weak the NFC South is
same as the Texans
what a joke of a conference
the AFC is shit this year, it’s crazy
haha, who dafuq is Blaine Gabbert?
I like their uniforms though…
Blaine Gabbert is the worst QB in the NFL right now
worse than Sanchez
i suggest you save that title for…oh, idk, mike vick?
this guy is actually impossible to watch
good point but Mike Vick wins some games
Blaine Gabbert has Jones-Drew that he can lean on
he doesn’t
he has a promising new reciever
who he doesn’t throw to
and not because he chooses others
it’s because he physically can’t
he is incapable of the basics of QB play
you, sir, may have a new article on your hands
Vick v Gabbert for the Discont Double GET THE HELL OUT!
ok looking through the Falcons schedule
that’s bulls**t man
there’s a line between good play and downright cheating
and they’ve rigged that schedule
i’m positive
see what i’m saying???
dude that’s ridiculous
the Falcons can easily go 10, 11, even 12-0 with the way they’re playing
they’re probs playing like s**t
it’s just the other teams are that much worse
I suppose…do they have the seahawks?
don’t think so
because if both the falcons AND seahawks barely slid by the panthers, i’d like to see them head to head
…i guess we’ll have to wait for the playoffs
haha wishful thinking
i don’t think Seattle will surpass the Conference this year
too early for Wilson to get such accolades
right, but that D and Marshawn Lynch could make them the Jets from 09 and 10
think about it bro
if they open up the playbook, i know this kid is going to make people pay for doubting him and his size, including me
i’d never doubt a qb by size
but they are up against 49ers
and the Cards
i just don’t like their chances this year
the cards are the cards. with kolb getting hit like he is, seattle’s defense is going to blow them wide open
the niners…ill admit, they’re tough. But the hawks are different from the doormats they used to be
but dude Marshwan Lynch is gonna go NOWHERE against them
and Russell Wilson will be under enormous pressure
and he’s too inexpeienced to take it
I reckon they’re pretty identical that way
the only thing is that russell wilson has legs, unlike kolb
and kolb may be taller, but who passes well against our secondary these days anyways??
we’ve stuffed newton, rodgers, romo, skelton, and bradford
that’s not that bad a list if you think about it
yeah fair enough
well it’s a wait and see thing but i don’t think he’s got the mental capacity to dig himself out of a hole
idk, he’s a tough kid
he’s a Sagittarius
so am i
so hmm
tough call
we all are
that’s why I like him hahahaha
yeah man
same as Aaron Rodgers
and Philip Rivers
and DeSean Jackson
ugh, desean jackson
that muddles the list a bit
sure he’s not a cusp scorpio?
december 1
same as Terrell Owens
december 7
same as me
that’s a sadly muddled list
just like the sign
they go to war and fall out with people
and it’s all the same
haha, you lost me, but ok
i explain better in person
Mike Vick would have thrown another three interceptions and fumbled twice more by now
meh he’s mecurial
some days he’s awful
some days he
he’s good
i mean look at Peyton Manning
3 Int consecutively
true bro
Gabbert is worse than cancer
he doesn’t throw interceptions because he can’t throw close to the defence
he can barely throw over his own O-Line
they oughta go for Matt Barkely
Hell Justin Blackmon could throw to himself better
alright, i’ll be taking off now
loving the 8 am starts
laters man
see ya

The Enigma That Is Tebow

In many Hollywood films, there’s an unsung hero. There’s a singular character who, when it the time comes, steps up to the plate and helps to save the day. But “unsung” means they don’t get recognition. They are the sideshow to the real hero of the film who is expected, from the start, to be the savior of whatever situation they are trying to find a solution to.

Tim Tebow ain’t no unsung hero, fools.

Tebow is the, without a doubt, the most highly scrutinized and polarizing player in the NFL. There isn’t a soul out there in the league who doesn’t believe that, if Tebow jumps to the starting role in New York over Mark Suck-Cheese, he would be a winner all over again. The confidence, the swagger, and the ability to shake off criticism from every angle that Tim displays are traits not usually combined in one player. He is a vision and a representation of all that is required of a leader in an NFL locker room.

He inspires his teammates on both sides of the ball to be the best that they can be by example. He’s by far one of the worst quarterbacks in the league if you’re into looking at a traditional pocket passer for your team. But come game time, all that matters is that he can almost literally give 110% of himself to every play if it means winning the game. He’s by far one of the best tailbacks playing at the quarterback position. But come game time, he can make the right decision in a pinch, whether it’s by running or passing.

I’m just going to put this out on the table. Statistically, he may be one of the worst QB’s to ever win a playoff game (and that’s counting Tony Romo, who my fellow writer Will Hellrieglel bashed with such class down below).

Screw the stats, give him the damn ball!

Sanchez is not the future of this Jets franchise. And if he is, I’m going to be burning anything green in my closet for fear of seeing him wear it while shooting for GQ. He’s inconsistent in the regular season and cannot be trusted to hold the keys to an offense that boasts no real playmakers outside of TE Dustin Keller. You could make the argument that he’s better in the post season. But how’s about this to chew on: How much does it matter how well he plays in the post season if they can’t win more than eight games?

Tebow can win in the post season, too. And he did it with all of his flaws counting against him.

Here’s an idea: Maybe, just maybe, Rex Ryan should put a quarterback who can win games on either side of Week 17 into the starting role. WHAT A CRAZY THOUGHT. My mind has just been blown to bits by my own brilliance. You think the Jets would have taken a page out of the Denver Broncos history books by now! Kyle Orton was far more effective as the Broncos starter than Sanchez for New York before he was replaced by St. Tebow. Yet, despite his flaws, Tebow was more effective at winning games. So, if Sanchez is not nearly as good as Orton (who tossed a TD for Dallas in the fourth quarter on Monday) and can’t efficiently make this team better offensively, wouldn’t it be smart to go with someone who is a proven winner? Someone who has been known to be a straight-shooting, confidence-instilling teammate, especially in the clutch?

This logic is worthy of a goddamn Nobel Prize. And Tebow would probably wrench that away from me in the final voting anyways.

I’m just sayin’: Tebow Time is just around the corner.

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Rant about Romo

Hey Guys,

Yesterday I decided to watch the Cowboys v Bears game. I’m a loose supporter of the Dallas Cowboys and frankly I’m pissed off.

Tony Romo is the most over exaggerated quarterback I have ever witnessed. He has little to no skill at the QB position. I would almost, ALMOST, give a more elite quarterback listing to one Kevin Kolb. At least, he can win a game!

To put this in perspective, let’s break down Romo’s game against Chicago.

Quarter 1:
Probably his most productive quarter. No score just a nice total of 37 yards passing and a -7 yard sack which truely I can’t necessarily blame him for but jeez man throw the damn ball…wait on second thought, don’t!

Quarter 2:
In this quarter Tony threw a nice string of passes and a touchdown. Things were looking up for the Cowboys, but that’s the usual isn’t it? Tony Romo is never happy with an ‘easy’ game, throwing his first interception of the night out of a spectacular 5 picks (this one in particular a Tillman touchdown)! I don’t know why the Cowboys persist with this obvious losing QB.

Quarter 3:
Wow. This quarter is impressive for all the wrong reasons. Cutler throws a very impressive pass to Hester for a score to put some pressure on Romo to produce the game he is sometimes famed for (clutch when he sometimes is). However of course we are talking about the NFL’s favourite choker. He is so…not clutch. Throws to anyone but his own players. With Lance Briggs and Major Wright reaping the benefits in this quarter. Briggs of course ran 74 yards for a strong Defensive touchdown. Tony Romo has thrown more points for the opposing team…

Quarter 4:
Then we get to the fourth quarter. Well, Tony, take a bow. He throws a further two interceptions this quarter resulting in his retreat from the field and step forward Kyle Orton. Which to put insult to injury throws the final touchdown in the game and a two point conversion to boot. Romo is so bad he had to be substituted for the Cowboys to go anywhere, but backward…in garbage time!

I don’t care about his stats, I don’t care about his personality and I definitely don’t care about him. Tony Romo, leave the Cowboys. You’re making Dallas look worse than what they deserve to be. Eight interceptions in four weeks. Torrents of awful, AWFUL, losing seasons.

Romo, you suck!

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Week 4 Quick Hits (Pre-SNF)

Here’s what we’ve learned from Week 4 thus far:

1) Russell Wilson is inconsistent as a passer. The Seahawks need to realize that teams now have knowledge about Wilson that they didn’t before, and it’s going to keep hampering his development since they don’t open the playbook and allow him some freedom to learn to read defenses and call audibles. Wilson is a rookie, but he’s a big boy. Pete Carroll can ask more of him. If he can’t, then Matt Flynn should get his shot at the starting job again.

2) The Houston Texans are top notch. This team is nothing even closely resembling “the team of next year” that they’ve been labelled as for the past few seasons. The defense has carried over their dominant game from last year and have come out of the Mario Williams loss with J.J. Watt, who is proving to be the new bright spot on that line. Gary Kubiak is one of only a few head coaches left in the league who doesn’t dump the running game the moment it falters. He realizes the importance of using the run to set up the pass doesn’t just regard it as aging art. It helps to have Arian Foster as your running back, as it helps Matt Schaub to continue to be efficient. When WR Andre Johnson is benefiting from the run game, it’s a sign that you’ve found your identity. The Texans are looking like the Super Bowl favorites that I’ve had all hope for.

3) How are the Arizona Cardinals 4-0?! Seriously, this team came in with most analysts predicting a season under .500, and they’re dominating teams with a stifling defense and a quarterback who, since last season, looked like the second coming of George W. Bush if he was running an offense (decoded: that’s pretty crappy). I didn’t doubt the Cardinals ability, but certainly they’ve made the NFC West a much more competitive division. But…SERIOUSLY?! THE FREAKIN’ CARDINALS?? I’m going to go sign up for a straight-jacket.

4) It’s a great time to be Matt Ryan. Most experts were expecting Ryan to have a coming out last season with WR Julio Jones coming out of the draft to compliment WR Roddy White. He didn’t do enough to avoid a 24-2 loss to the New York Giants in the playoff last season. This season, however, even if he made breakfast with garden mulch, it would be the most beautiful crap the world had ever seen. Even if the rest of the season doesn’t quite match up this pace, Ryan should be considered the favorite to win the NFL MVP award. Imagine this team without him and running under someone like…Curtis Painter?

5) Tim Tebow will get his start barring one more bad game by Mark Sanchez. It was really only a matter of time. This is the start of the Jets’ realization that the team is better off with a QB who can barely throw and win, than a pretty-boy QB who can model in GQ looking like a complete turd and lose (frankly, only Tom Brady can pose for magazines. He’s not beautiful, but at least he wins). I fear that Tebow will be a journeyman quarterback if Sanchez starts doing well now. But frankly, Tebow inspires more confidence in his teammates than Marky-dork. I’m not just some impatient fan. Simply put, you know what you know. Tebow, despite his flaws, is a winner.

6) San Francisco is the most complete team in the NFC. It’s been 9 months since the 49ers proved their dominance by going to the NFC Championship Game, and from there the questions had begun to circle around about whether they could keep it up for more than just one season or flop and go 5-11. This year, they’ve started off by being one of the best all-around teams in the league. RB Frank Gore is still a power runner and a force in the offense. QB Alex Smith is moving away from the “game manager” title and towards simply being highly efficient and effective, avoiding turnovers and putting his team in a position to win every game. And that defense is still stifling as ever, shutting out the New York Jets (who put up the fight of a half-built jet). This is a testament to the blue-collar mentality that Head Coach Jim Harbaugh has implemented since last season. It’s a hard hitting, tough nosed team that doesn’t quit.

7) San Diego is…odd. They don’t seem to display…anything. If anything, they’re still a barely above-average team that’s had a fast start. Phillip Rivers is playing well, but he’s not scaring defenses like he used to. MVP chants used to fill Qualcomm Stadium. No more. The defense is tough to run against, but Falcons’ RB Michael Turner moved the ball efficiently on the ground. Plus, RB Ryan Mathews is seeming more and more like the main reason most Americans can’t afford basic health care. Being injured seems to be the only thing he’s consistent at. Until they can find a reliable back for that offense, the Chargers’ offense will be static, not really moving anywhere.

8) New Orleans isn’t good. There’s no getting around it. They suck. Hard. Losing to an emotional Green Bay Packers team the way that they did is admirable. Losing to the Panthers and the Chiefs is something other-worldly. Now we, as fans, realize how much Sean Payton means to that team. The defense is made of swiss cheese. Kansas City RB Jamaal Charles ran wild against them last week for 233 yards and two touchdowns including a 91-yard touchdown run on 33 carries. Their offense isn’t bad, but it’s not winning games for them either. QB Drew Brees was supposed to be the on-field offensive coordinator, but he’s simply not creating a spark that the Saints direly need. If anyone predicted a sub-.500 record for this team, they’ll be partying hard on Bourbon Street with their winnings.

9) The Cleveland Browns are pretty decent. No, the Super Bowl is as far away from them as I am from asking the hot girl out who is sitting across the room from me at this cafe. Yeah, that’s like walking to Mars. But QB Brandon Weeden shows flashes of a rookie who can be one of the better players in the league one day soon. He managed the game against Baltimore well and kept his team competitive until the last play. And that’s what you want to see out of your leader. Plus, a Ravens offense that scored 44 points against the Cincinnati Bengals (who are not good, but hang with me for a sec) only scored 24 points against the Browns. That’s not a huge number considering the dreadful losses they’ve suffered at the hands of weaker teams in years’ past. There’s hope for this team. Not now, but in coming years. Stay tuned.

10) Speaking of the Bengals, how ’bout that O? Andy Dalton is not Tom Brady, but he’s making games easier to win for this team. Answering questions about his arm strength (or supposed lack thereof) with big throws to his WR on a weekly basis, the Big Red Gun is making a point in the NFL that he can win season-to-season. He has an OK running game backing him up, A.J. Green to pass to, but no proven second WR. Week to week that position changes starters, but he makes due with whomever, the mark of a reliable quarterback. This team is in good hands with Dalton at the helm, and sure it will take time for him to grow into a sustainable place as the leader of the offense, but he’s got a good start in his career to build on.

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